The Gulf That Grows
by blue peanut m and m
Summary: A short tag to Sex And Violence. Sam's inner thoughts and feelings as he listens to the sirens and Dean's words. Chapter 2 Dean's POV just added.
1. Chapter 1

**The Gulf That Grows.**

**Summary. . . . . . . Just a short tag to Sex And Violence, detailing what I think could have been going through Sam's mind.**

**Disclaimer. . . . . . Oh God I wish they were, but unfortunately they belong to Kripkie.**

**A.N. . . . . . . So me and Darksupernatural kinda got the same response to last nights episode and both thought it deserved a tag of some sort, so I believe we're both doing one. Here's my offering, I hope you enjoy. If you get chance, and she does post, check hers out, I have know doubt you'll have a really enjoyable read. Catch you later, Peanut x**

"Why don't you. . . . . .cut him. Just a little on his neck. . . . . . .right there."

He could feel the knife pinch before slicing through the thin layers of his flesh, could feel the blood slowly leak from the wound to begin trickling down his neck, bouncing slightly askew as it hit his pulse, yet he felt numb; no pain originating from the site, yet his body throbbed, the siren's words echoing around his skull in a never ending loop, words that spoke of good brothers; brothers that looked up to siblings; brothers that didn't keep secrets, that could be trusted; brother's that would spend the rest of their lives together, that loved one another; and they cut deeper than any wound ever could, burrowing through flesh, bone and muscle to bury themselves within the center of his heart, expanding the chasm that had begun to grow between them even further, a chasm that had been created as the sound of the hell hounds still reverberated, a chasm that had been filled slightly with Dean's return, a chasm that eroded wider once again with every clandestine phone call to Ruby he made, with every demon he exorcised, with every use of his powers.

He'd tried lying to himself that things had returned to how they used to be after Dean's return from the dead, but that's all it had been, a great big pile of lies, a pile so high the top was hidden from sight. Things had changed, things were still changing, he had been left on his own, everyone he had ever loved gone, trying to survive in a world he no longer wished to be a part of, and no matter what he did, what he tried, what he offered, he couldn't bring Dean back, so he had turned away from the only near family he had left, and turned into the arms of her, breaking every promise he had ever made to Dean, and digging the first hole in the gulf that had once been so solid: a gulf that due to the sirens words, he now believed was irreversible, too many deeds had been done, too many hopes dashed, too many promises broken, too many secrets kept.

His heart broke as he listened to Dean speak, in some ways the words hurting more, as the thought that his brother felt that way about him shattered him. He flinched inside, yet showed no emotion on his face, as he heard Dean's accusation that he no longer had his brother's back, but even that speech paled in comparison to the feel of Dean's fist slamming into his face. He'd felt the power of his brother hands before, yet this time things felt different; the love that had always underlined every punch he had ever recieved previously no longer felt, and for the second time in his life he felt pure, unadulterated loneliness; his body and mind void and empty. He didn't hear the vile words he spat back, they would be remembered later; didn't feel his own hands pulling back before unleashing powerful blows of his own, the cracked and bruised knuckles smarting and stinging as he accepted Bobby's helping hand up would bring that memory back; he just felt vacant, hollow, saddened, dejected, alone.

**A.N. . . . . . . . There's an episode picture out the on the net, that captures Sam just after the siren has been killed staring blankly into space with a look of pure loneliness on his face, if you can find it check it out, that was the inspiration for this short ficlet, that and the amazing episode. I hope that you enjoyed it, I'm thinking of maybe adding a Dean POV to this, what do you think? Catch you soon, Peanut x**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Gulf That Grows.**

**Summary. . . . . . . . A short tag to Sex An Violence, that delves that little bit deeper into what the guys were thinking as the harsh words were thrown.**

**Disclaimer. . . . . . . I've said it before and I'll say it again, if they were mine Jared would have a hell of a lot more shirtless scenes!**

**A.N. . . . . . .After last episode of the show there were quite a few tags thrown out there into the fanfic world, tags that in some cases readers responded to with some quite uncalled for reviews. Reviews are there for you, as readers, to respond to the writers work with either praise if it's a good piece, or advice if you feel the work needs it, not to bash them if their opinions differ to yours. To send someone death threats over what is after all a TV show is just plain stupid and very childish; what's next? Are conventions gonna turn into rumbles? If you're a reader of my work then you will know by now that I am a Sammygirl, always have been always will be, that being said I wont stand here and say he was the victim in all this, they both were; but at the end of the day Dean's worst words were spat out before he was even under the influence, a fact which in all these reviews and comments fails to get mentioned. Before all you Deangirls go and desert the story because of what I have just said, don't! Give it a read, I think you'll be surprised. Sorry for the rant, I'll get on with the story now, here's Dean's POV. Catch You later, Peanut x**

"You want to know why I didn't tell you about Ruby? How we're hunting down Lillith, it's because you're too weak to go after her! You're holding me back!"

He might have been the first one to utter words that should never have been said, but that didn't make Sam's words any less harder to hear, the vicious edge to the tone they were spat out with tearing through his layers of clothes and flesh to embed themselves deep within his heart, his brother's choice of words subconsciously picked to cause the most damage, not knowing just how true in fact they actually were. He didn't care that Sam thought he was the better hunter, didn't care that Sam thought he was stronger and smarter then he was; those words had been thrown about time and time again in their lives, it was after all hard to live on top of each other without a bit of sibling rivalry coming to the surface every now and then. It was Sam's comments about his time in hell, and his remarks about his new found reluctance to take the battle to Lillith, that had stung and taken his breath away; because those words had hit too close to home.

He had always been the more gung-ho of the two, had always been the one that went in guns a blazing, always been the one who asked questions later; but his time in hell had changed all that, had changed him, and Sam was right he was weaker now. What his brother was wrong about though was his reasons. It wasn't because of fearing Lillith, hell he'd be the first one to raise a toast after that bitch was destroyed. It wasn't because of his fear of any other demon either. It was because of what had happened in those forty years, it was because of what he had eventually agreed to do, it was because he had enjoyed what he had done, it was because he feared death and a return trip down there. He wasn't stupid, maybe he wasn't as smart as Sam, but he knew that after what he had put those poor souls through there would be nobody waiting to welcome him through the pearly gates, knew that the best he could hope for was a trip back down south and yet more countless years torturing people, a trip he really didn't want to make. So he had curbed his recklessness, become more cautious, and yeah maybe that made him appear weak, a coward, but it kept him safe and alive.

He had hoped that Sam might understand, that he might have been sympathetic and supportive, that once he had heard what he had been forced to do he might agree, which was why he had gone against all his natural tendencies and actually opened up to him, told his brother exactly what had happened in the hopes that they could slow down, just a little, and enjoy life for a while. To now have those hopes dashed and thrown back in his face in anger hurt.

As they sat there now, side by side, sipping on sodas, he thought over Sam's comment about not meaning what he had said, the feeling of de-ja-vu creeping into his mind. As Sam asked if they were okay, he paused. He remembered throwing the knife, he remembered the punches thrown and the axe raised ready to end the life of the one he was supposed to protect; but it would be Sam's angry features, Sam's viciously spoken words, that would stick with him forever, that would be the creator of nightmares for weeks to come; and he wondered if they would ever be okay again, a large part of him thinking maybe not, but what was the point of creating new, fresh wounds when they were both hurting deeply already? So taking a deep breath, he lied "Yeah, we're good."

**A.N. . . . . . . . Well I did say you Dean fans would be surprised! I hope you all enjoyed the read, catch you soon, Peanut x**


End file.
